Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts

Monday, December 28, 2015

Closing Out 2015 - What I Have Learned : The Masks of Men (WoMen)

What I've learned #1...

It is one thing for a person to 'feel you' (touched by the feelings), another for them to 'get you' (live together in understanding, in all your getting get an understanding) but to 'see you' is to truly know you (you know my inward secret thoughts, you see me afar off).  People love it when you "feel" them & get them but seeing them makes most uncomfortable because it is a place of vulnerably.  It exposes parts of us we do not - are not ready to reveal. Yet, how can you have a genuine authentic healthy relationship without it.  Now, I do not mean by the 2nd date they should know everything there is to know about you.

My question for you is:  Which do you prefer: someone who feels you, gets you, see you, a combo or all.  To avail yourself to all, that means you are ready to be REAL - TRANSPARENT!  In this there is no vagueness, no secrets... withholding nothing.  The "don't ask don't tell" policy is not in effect.  They do not live by "ask me no questions - I tell you no lies."  Do not confuse someone telling you "every thing" with telling "everything".  The first tells you what (the thing(s) they want you to know.  The second is an open book...Whether they volunteer it or when asked they tell it and they answer honestly.   Wisdom of when to tell what is key.  If in doubt pray, ask God and HE will lead you.  However transparency is vital to  establishing a healthy relationship.

With every exchange, every encounter, every shared dream and past hurt and learned experienced there should be - must be a greater level of TRUTH and TRANSPARENCY!  Else what you building your relationship on are "half-truths" which are lies and often secrets that will come out - be exposed (intentionally or unintentionally) later.

Trust is built through not only transparency, but time (calendar and experience), open and honest communication (transparency), and understanding. 




I have heard people say and seen it written that acceptance is apart of the equation.  Let me touch on that.  Someone accepting us for who we are and what we have been through that often made us who we are is that is more about our respecting and not blindly accepting. Accepting you is not excusing or approving of us or our bad behavior. God, our Heavenly Father acceptances us and loves us but HE never excessed us or approves of our bad behavior (sin; against Him, ourselves or others). 


What I know:
A healthy, lasting, enduring relationship cannot be established and built on lies or secrets.  We must remove the masks.  If we do not know how, ask God to give you the courage and strength. To remove the fear.  Masks are for fun and are meant for momentary wear. They are never meant for long-term permanent wear or to be put or kept on as an accessory. They are most often seen and visible at parties and scary days, i.e.,Halloween & Masquerade Parties. They become uncomfortable after a while and must be (should be) removed. You can't breathe freely behind one. In our natural daily lives and relationship encounters, they worn out of fear; fear of acceptance, rejection, self hate, self denial. They are a deception to wearer and the receiver.  The shame or challenge is that they can be worn so long that they become natural and accepted.  Paul  L. Dunbar put it like this

When God starts or uses someone to see us it can be fearful - uncomfortable.  It exposes us.  Without understanding, this could be a curse more than a blessing.  Forgetting that if God is allowing it, it is for our good.  I believe this is more challenging for men than women.  Why?  Men want to be seen by their woman as their knight in shining armor, their hero. And to be seen; particularly by their woman before marriage can be intimidating for them.  Their reveal tends to be little by little; unlike women who can sometimes reveal too much too soon!












I have often said when people act out or change it not that they changed it was simply that what was in them came out.  What changed was our ability to see and be truthful with ourselves about what we see and witness.


What do we do
Let us seek to remove the mask and be real to ourselves and others.  Representatives need not apply. Show up as you.  No pretending or keeping secrets.  Being vague is deception and seeks deceive.  White or black - little or big lies are not ok.

Always be you - your real authentic you.  No matter the hat you are require to wear always, ONLY present the real you.  Tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth about who you are.  You past and present struggles.  Do not pull people into your masquerade     that you call life.  If you desire for your relationship to be strong and last; to weather the storms, it is imperative that trust, honesty, communication, support, fun, love, forgiveness, and transparency are the foundation of your relationship and union.


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View Relationships Rule videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0rpjGLhAYIzoSWZW33ykvw

Be sure to visit Dr. Tuesday's website at www.drtuesday.net  
Order her book and request a signing at http://atkpublishing.wix.com/atkpublishingwaiting



Wednesday, December 23, 2015

God Does ReGIft

The Challenge 
Have you ever found yourself challenged or questioning how what was a blessings has now become a burden (weighs you down, overly frustrates or stresses you, brings no peace, offers no help, adds nothing to you, oppresses or depresses you, confusion) ... What changed : you, the blessed thing (the gift of or from God) or God...Was the 'blessing' really from God (for every good and perfect gift comes from above) or a manufactured (you made it) blessing... "For the blessings of the Lord make us rich (adds to us, makes a better, may come with challenges - opposition but God gives us what we need to overcome) and adds no sorrow to it or us and neither does toiling obtain or keep it" (Prov 10:22, Amp).


In other words, when the BLESSING (the job, promotion, relationship, degree, house, car(s), etc.) is from God, toil (excessive, continuous hard labor), worry, fear, frustration, anxiety, anger, insecurity, doubt, oppression, depression, sorrow (feelings of deep distress caused by loss or fear of loss, disappointment, or a misfortune suffered by oneself or others due to a bad or emotional decision or choice) are not in it. Those things are not from God but the enemy within and or without!  Let me help us: God's blessing (what is from Him) does not change and neither does HE change.  If it was 'all that' in the beginning and through the middle, quit possibly it was from God!  The blessing(s) you rejected, mishandle, dismiss is still a BLESSING. Except now, God has to recondition it to give it to someone else to receive, appreciate, value, keep, maintain, add to, etc.  It (the blessing) could be an idea, a partner, a lover, friend, job, spouse, house, increase, opportunity, etc.

The truth is what and or who changes is us...We change our mind, feelings, our level of interest, commitment, focus, attention, gratefulness, passion, love, appreciation, desire, etc.  We take for granted the blessing God has given us.  Often we make God's BLESSING(s) - His good thing(s) a bad thing(s) because we make lifelong impacting decisions based on ever changing feelings that influence our choices.  The result is often loss, hurt and regret. We ruin, mishandle, mistreat, misappropriate the blessings!  And often damage them and or ourselves for the next.  Thank God that HE does and knows how to regift.  


The Support
Remember Matt 25; the story of the talents.  The Master took the gift - the blessing from the one who did not honor or value it's worth.  HE gave it to the one who knew how to handle a treasure - a blessing. And we cannot forget Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.  She was married to Nabal (the fool).  Her husband (Nabal) mishandled, dishonored and disrespected his position and her (his gift - blessing) and God removed him from the equation and gave her to David.  God gave her to her husband (Nabal) to honor, help him, and to help him do the right but he did not.  HE gave him chance(s) to get it together and he didn't.  HE continued to speak (thru others including his wife) to him but he didn't listen.  So, his good thing was given to someone else.  God ReGift His gift!  Yes, what God has for us is for us but we gott'a do right by it, Him, and others.  No, HE will not (every again) repent or regret His giving us a gift or blessing (for the gifts of God are without (HIS) repentance)...but we (bout) need to repent often..daily for how we handle not only our gift(s) but our lives, others, and our relationship with Him

God seeks to give each of us a good thing(s).  His desire is not to withhold any good thing from us. HE gives us time to seek Him, see it, get it together, deal with ourselves, hear Him, and obey Him to receive it.  Decide today to no longer waste time on whose fault it is, tell the truth, take responsibly, forgive, chart a difference course, and chose be diligent to respect, value, honor His gift; the  blessing that HE has given or wants to bestow upon you; including yourself and the gift of life.  If you don't know how, ask Him and HE will.  If possible and feasible, be sure to inquire of the blessed thing what is desired - necessary for it to know its level of importance to you.  

The Truth
As we close out 2015, let's reflect. Consider your ways, choices, decisions, actions...Be honest - real with yourself and others... Don't look at them only.  Let us look at us. No blame - No pointing fingers - No tit-for-tat.  Ask yourself the hard questions..."Did God reward me with a blessing (that job, house, increase in my finances, relationship, woman, man, spouse, friendship, transportation, business, opportunity, connection, etc.) and I ruined it"..."Did I change God's blessing to a burden with my stink'n thinking, wavering emotions, insecurities, past positions, prideful or selfish neglect?" 

So how do I make it "right"... what does this look like?  Glad you asked...It certainly means at a minimum, an apology & request for forgiveness and  t may mean moving on.  Or it may allow for reconciliation but either way...DO NOT go into your new year with unresolved issues & open doors of uncertainty & confusion.  

Here is a good way to know which 'right' to take:

Leave your pray (request for all the stuff you (keep) ask(ing) God to do and for and go make it right.  If possible, be reconciled.  Help us Lord see ourselves, our role and be the first partaker of our own advice or medicine. 
  1. Did you make a rash, emotional decision 
  2. Did you ask God before you made the decision, spoke it and moved forward in it 
  3. Did you seek wise counsel or were you your own counsel
  4. Has your decision brought more hurt, pain, confusion, despair, loneliness, frustration, anxiety, uncertainty, unhappiness, etc.
  5. Does the thought of "your gift" being ReGifted makes very uncomfortable, jealous, etc. 
  6. Looking yourself in the mirror - you now admit that you gave up - you didn't do everything you could - you didn't fight for it - you gave the devil not only a foot-hole but full access - this one was on you
  7. Under close true self-examination you are forced to acknowledge and conclude that you had a good thing and blow it 
  8. You have not missed a day - gone very few moments without reconsidering - thinking about the gift you gave back
  9. Were there parts/aspects of the gift - the blessing you never tapped into, appreciated, use, explored, decorated...
  10. Are there still dreams/goals that God spoke to you when it was good (before you changed) that are tied to that gift - blessing
  11. Do you - have you experienced any regret from your decision 
  12. If you had it to do over again, would you handle it - do it the same way 
  13. This last one is real easy, if 1-12 are in the affirmative...Then this one is/was on you...Go and make it right!  
  14. The only question God has for you is 

    Do you want - desire - believe it is My will for you to have the gift - the blessing I gave to you back...?  If yes, (and even if no) ...for your God Relationship sake here is the 
    solution:

The Solution

  • Repent; change your mind about it-the situation-the person(s)
True REPENTANCE is not feeling sorrow for yourself but sorrowful that you (knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or not) hurt or disappointed or dishonored God (and others) and or what HE has blessed you with.  It is Godly sorrow that leads to repentance that causes us to want to make things right, do the right thing...change our behavior.  Always knowing what we can't do on our own, we can do with and through God, His Word (truth), prayer and accountability!
  • Die to you - Humble yourself  
  • Ask God for forgiveness 
For being unappreciative and dishonoring  Him and His gift...for being presumptuous and prideful in thinking that you know better than Him, for not asking Him what to do and how to do, for doing it your way as if HE didn't know what was best for you or have a plan for you (in that job, position  relationship, marriage, etc.) 

  • If people are involved, ask them for forgiveness 
  • Forgive yourself 
  • Ask Him for His will and instruction - to remove fear - to make your way good and your timing right - that you are receive ...
  • Then obey Him quickly and fully
  • If possible (with God all things are possible), while you still have time (life, breath, opportunity, chance); go and be reconciled - go make it 'right' with them (your spouse, your manager, your pastor, your children, the love of your life, your parents, your friend, etc.) 

The Conclusion
You will know when you get there if reconciliation includes restoration and reuniting!  Be ready to do the work to regain - win back buy back your gift - the blessing - your good thing.  After all, isn't that what Jesus did for you - for us all!  


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View Relationships Rule videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0rpjGLhAYIzoSWZW33ykvw

Be sure to visit Dr. Tuesday's website at www.drtuesday.net.  
Order her book and request a signing at http://atkpublishing.wix.com/atkpublishingwaiting