I have often said in "Before You Say I Do" and even in "After You Have Said I Do" counseling and classes that divorce should not - must not be an option. It should not be used as a threat to keep, scare, control or manipulate someone; said in anger or in play. For a divorce to not be an option, whether the first or second time married, both parties must have the same mindset going in; "If you leave, I'm going with you." "Get out and don't come back without me." "Leave if you want to but I'm coming with you". "I want a divorce (but I want you). Me too. Let's divorce the devil." Tongue and cheek, but true!
Though I understand the why of Prenuptial Agreements (PA), I have a question or thought to consider, "Should Christian Believers enter into a PA?" That said, I am challenged with them. There are often hidden things in the heart and underlying conditions and motives that exists behind and are attached to a PA. It is a contract that says, "Just in case we don't work...". In this world, to natural man the PA contract overrides and trumps Covenant. It is a contract written in and out of fear, lack of trust, and selfishness sometimes pacified with promises and weak love. The love that comes with a PA is conditional and the foundation is cracked. Meaning…The heart (knowingly or unknowingly) of the requester is, "If you don't or rather, as long you do "x, y and z" we are good but if you do "a, b and or c" and it doesn't work, that's what you get and this is what you don't get." Nay!
Contracts are earthly and flawed. There is always a way out of one, a workaround, a loophole. They come with conditions to commitment, love, loyalty, and longevity but are signed with ink that fades. Covenant comes from God and HE is fully committed unto death. With Him it means forever. To never leave or forsake. Its signatory is the Blood of Jesus and God is the guarantor and there is no shadow of turning or fading. This is why Christ must be the center of your relationship and fellowship in marriage. A 3 fold cord (the 2 in the marriage with God) cannot be easily broken. Attempts and attacks, problems and challenges will come but they DO NOT have to advance or prosper. You can overcome and be victorious. Do the work of love so that divorce is not an option and the testimony can be, "God did it!".
Marriage between believers is Covenant. It is the earthly manifested relationship of God's Heavenly spiritual commitment in relationship with His children. The enemy (the devil) hates marriage and more over marriage between two believers. He seeks to destroy marriage, the man, the wife, the children, the family, the church and the community. Yes, in that order! Let your fight be together in the good fight of faith against the devil; not your darling and "daddy".
Even in the most horrific situations, I do not offer divorce. Where there is abuse (of any kind) I suggest and highly encourage safety, therapy, and counseling! I have seen marriages fully recover and restored from abuse, infidelity (which is Biblically allowed) and the like. How were they able to do it; the abuser (and/or adulterer) and the victim were both committed to the work of change and forgiveness that can happen during "Couch Time" (with open, honest communication) and belief in their Covenant (before God and each other). Couch Time can be with or without a counselor but it is vitally important to the health of a strong committed marriage. Both parties lovingly, humbly, respectfully, tirelessly, fearlessly, and deliberately work hard and together to rectify and reconcile their relationship and fellowship in their marriage.
It is harder to hold your marriage together and make it work than it is to maintain your marriage together. Remember leave and cleave (stick like glue). Somewhere, somehow somebody has weakened or broken away from the glue (of God, His Covenant, His Word, His Spirit) that God gave to hold and keep you together. When it is broken, you have to hold and make (it work) but when you stay in it (with God) and stick together honoring your vows and spouse, it is simply maintaining.
I honestly do not believe that marriage has to be "hard work" (like a job you hate to go to and hate the work of it and people you work with). Yes, it requires effort, energy, and ethics but it doesn't have to be drudgery. It really can be full of joy and morning glory. It can be worship unto God. The "hard work" of marriage often comes because couples are working against each other instead of in unity, love, harmony, and Covenant. Many are saying they are fighting for their marriage but they really are fighting and hurting each other in words and deeds. When the Couch Time work is done (consistently); you will not have to fight (with each other) to stay together. Commit now before and or after "I Do" to Couch Time, communication, consistency, honesty, truth, trust, fidelity, love, praying with (and for each other), time in the Word, and fulfillment of the Covenant of your "I Do".
Can divorce happen, yes; does it have too, no! If it has, seek God to not live in guilt, shame, or regret. Depending on your role in it, some of that may come but as a believer it will be conviction, Godly sorrow, and repentance. Whether the offender or the injured party; SELF examine, submit your ways and your part to God. To the offender, ask to be forgiven and seek to not add too the hurt. To the abused, pray, ask God to help you heal and set your heart to forgive (them and yourself), and choose to live in peace. It is critical that before you venture into the next (or first) marriage that you have allowed God (and lovingly others) to show you you. Do hard truthful work on self for self so you do not self-sabotage or self-destruct in your relationship and or marriage.
Married or single, make and declare your desire in agreement your commitment to see your marriage through to the end. Do the work now to experience the daily rewards & blessings of "til death us do part" not "til divorce we do and tear apart."
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Be sure to visit Dr. Tuesday's Website and request a signing for Dr. Tuesday to speak at your upcoming event.
Be sure to visit Dr. Tuesday's Website and request a signing for Dr. Tuesday to speak at your upcoming event.
