The Chamberlin Effect | Rebounding Right

ESPN reports that at the time of Wilt Chamberlain's retirement he held 128 records with close to 100 of them still holding and 68 of them being records that he holds by himself.  One of those is for making close to 24,000 rebounds in his fourteen-year career.  Which says to me rebounding is important to the game (of life and relationship) and they are not impossible to achieve. What is surprising is that though rebounding takes force, power, physical contact, and determination, he managed to make thousands and seldom was disqualified or fouled out. So low was his percentage, it is recorded as 0.00. It is said that if blocks were counted by the League before he retired, he would hold the record with them as well. The NBA Encyclopedia Playoff Edition. (2005-2006), records the following of Mr. Chamberlin's rebounds and disqualification statistics (retrieved from 
http://www.nba.com/encyclopedia/wilts_records.html).

REBOUNDS
Most seasons leading league:	11
Most, career:	23,924
Highest average, career:	22.9
Most, season:	2,149
Most, rookie, season:	1,941
Most seasons, 1,000 or more:	13
Highest average, season:	27.2
Most, game:	55
Most, rookie, game:	45
DISQUALIFICATIONS
Lowest percentage, career:	****0.00

I discovered standards and approaches from Mr. Chamberlin's rebounding skills that we can learn from and apply to our life so we will not be disqualified in relationships.  The skills are simple, applicable and doable; the execution of them may be challenging. I had an epiphany regarding the analogy of rebounding in basketball and relationships. I call this The Chamberlain Effect: Rebounding Right: 

1. You have to know the game and the rules regarding how to win.
2. Learn the competition and your team (e.g. who is on your side).
3. Respect the competition, use them to motivate you. Do not be threaten or intimidated by it. In essence, "Make your haters your elevators." 
4. Respect and utilized team. Know each person's skill set and use them in their lane.
5. Be confident, played with confidence and expected to win
6. Always keep the end in mind (e.g. be made whole, get over that), which is the goal (e.g. the targeted desire; to forgive, to be healed and made whole) in our view (e.g. mind and spirit).
7. Stay in the game. Don't run from the healing process.  Don't be disqualified because you acted out of your emotions and now you are benched and out of the game.
8. Practice endurance. Though the process of healing and recovery is difficult and can take a while, stay the course.
9. Sit out (and stay out) of the game for a while. Sit down to assess, catch your breath and see the game from another position and perspective.
10. You have to know you are one of a kind. Be confident and sure of your value to the team you are on (e.g. person you are in relationship with).
11. Know your limitations, strengths, and abilities then capitalized on them.
12. Rebounding is between you and the (defined) goal. It's not about the competition (the necessity to overcome them) or your team (for them, the final reward, blessing or trophy).
13. Use your natural (and spiritual, what is in you) abilities (e.g. gifts) to rebound and block.
14. Pay attention to what is going on around you (and in you). Stay focused on the goal, keep your legs and feet under you, stay in control, recognize when you have left the goal, strayed from the desired result and taken your eyes off the win.

Rebounding or maybe a better word is recovery and restoration is not easy but it is doable and it is necessary.   Rebounding is not the move(s) you take but the end result or goal. No ball when you come down, it's not a rebound.  Wilt was able to go up for the ball and come down with it and follow-thru to the next play.  Number 12 above reminds us that the rebound is between you and the goal. To get to the goal and see the victory, you have to be willing to use your strength, power (physical, mental and spiritual), and determination to get past the competition; whoever and whatever is in your way or path to achieving your healing and recovery (e.g. getting the rebound).  Going up and landing safely. This is why involving others in (and during) your rebounding process can be painful (in the end) for you and them.  

Involving others in your rebounding move (time or season), reminds me of bridging. When you are going up for the rebound (getting involved in another relationship too soon (at the wrong time) and on your way down you get bridged.  You are boxed out while in mid-air and your legs (ability to walk right and steady) is taken out from under you, causing you to fall hard (physically), often harder (emotionally) than the previous.  You are not only unbalanced coming down but getting up and the pain of landing takes your breath away.   

I do not agree with  jumping quickly into a new relationship  to be delivered from or to get over the last relationship! It is often a hard and worse fall waiting to happen. How much time should be in between? I do not know what is reasonable, acceptable or appropriate.  However, what I do believe is that it takes some time to recover, rebuild, learn, grow, gain wisdom (applied, executed, tested knowledge) to rebound. Some say it depends on the type of relationship you were in. Dating, engaged or married, how it ended, the loss you experienced or suffered, break-up, bridge, death or divorce. The longer the previous relationship was the more one may be affected. The reason it happened, who initiated it; these and others are factors in the time needed to heal, recover, rebound, to be restored. Not just to your former state but a better state.  

The Chamberlin Effect shows us great gain and reward can come when you keep the end in mind, endure, believe in and know ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses.  Do what he did and capitalize on your strengths but put the right guards around you concerning your weaknesses.  Know your value.  Love and like yourself enough to wait until the right play (or the one who) comes.  

How to know:

How do you know if you are in a rebound relationship; about to be bridged (Reboundee) or operating from a mid-air place; about to bridge someone (Rebounder). Ultimately, we want to and need the one coming to have landed safely (not hurt or (still) broken, angry) from the previous before we go into (or they come) the next with you.  Here are some indicators if you are operating from bridged, mid-air or broken.  Now, if you can answer these, "Nope, not me. Then you are probably ready for the next...You have landed, are safe (healed), ready to move about and get in the game again.  

1. Your conversation or reference is (often) about your Ex or Exes more than the one you are with.
2. You are still angry with and mean towards your Ex or Exes.   
3. You secretly contact, are in contact with, reach out to, still think/dream of/about the Ex.
4. Still (frequently) view/visit/listen to their social media sources, pictures and voice messages.
5. Your will (interest), desire, thoughts and conscious are on them.
6. In any, way you wish them ill.
7. You are not able to earnestly bless them or pray for them. 
8. You purposely visit places, go to or do activities with the "rebound" that you did with the Ex (often this is unbeknownst to the rebound) while secretly hoping to run into the Ex. 
9. Vehemently, you stay away from any and everything that reminds you of the ex (often this is unbeknownst to the rebound ).
10. New memories or experiences are not a priority. 
11. You openly or internally compare the Ex to the present (rebound).
12. You conclude, make or assign (perceived) similarities and reality. 
13. You self-sabotage.
14. If asked about the Ex by the rebound, irritation and or impatience arises.
15. You keep the relationship with your Ex close to your vest. You're vague, defensive and not forthcoming with information and the truth. 
16. Most or all of the "blame" is the Ex's fault. If you take "responsibility", it's not genuine. 
17. You often move VERY fast. The "relationship" is short lived (air goes out in "Rebounder" suddenly and quickly), crashes (fall, break-up), and can be very painful, sudden and often callous. Why, because the emotional internal struggles (anger, insecurity, etc.) of the "Rebounder" were not resolved or even addressed prior to this relationship  
18. The "Reboundee" will feel blindsided. Their recovery (need to rebound) may take some time.

Rebound relationships produce a vicious cycle. Creating and leaving another hurt person to recover and who very well may not apply #9 (i.e. sitting out), assessing your role and game, reflecting, catching your breath and seeing things from a different space, place and perception. Learn you. Assess you. Take time to be healed and to be made whole. 

Has this been you...The giver and or the receiver of a rebound relationship? The probability of a rebound relationship working is low.  If you can make it past six (6) months, your chances get better; however, one (1) year is the optimum.  Unfortunately, most do not make it to 6 months.   

The "Rebounder" can be a male or female. Men do enter into rebound relationships. It may not be as noticeable (at first) because it is more acceptable for men to date frequently, more than one woman at a time or back to back. Decide to not (ever again) be the "Rebounder" or allow yourself to be the "Reboundee". Watch and listen for the signs. You will save you and the other person a world of hurt.

Learn the skill of rebounding right, landing on your feet, if you fall get up and moving on.  Don't get ejected because you feel dejected or rejected.  The Chamberlin Effect...It will work if you work it.  A championship relationship awaits you.  

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