Let Go!

Have you wondered why or are currently in a state of wondering why someone changed on you - changed their mind about you - the relationship. Why - How they could so easily leave? Consider this: 1 John 2:19 "They who went out from (left) us (you), did they did really belong to us (you). For if they had belonged to us (you), they would have remained with us (you); but their going (leaving) showed (you) that they did not belong to us (you)."

The Problem

This question has been asked of me many times...How did you let go - move on...How do I let go: when I still love them, miss them, they won't talk to you - even to explain their decision or reasoning, when there are so many unanswered questions, when they left you without explanation, when it doesn't make sense, when everything was going well-great, when they said you were everything they ever wanted, prayed for, dreamed of...when I still have hope...How does this happen? How it can happen, may not be able to answer; however, I may be able to shed some light on "why". Why does or would someone walk away from that which they said was good-great the best thing before or since "sliced bread". Simply put, they are human with a will to choose. 

God gave us the option of choice. Unfortunately, that option, our choices are often affected and impacted by feelings, the enemy, internal dialogue, and opinions (theirs, yours and others), insecurities, fears, doubts, trust issues, etc. Good or bad, people choose. They choose bad over good or less than or over equal or great. They choose to walk away from good; even great according to them and start over. They choose their way over God's way and will. Why? As crazy as it sounds, for some starting over with the "next"; the next job, the next relationship, the next city, the next car, the next man, the next woman, etc. is easier than doing the work to have the best and EVERYTHING they've ever wanted... EVERYTHING that God has for them. It is the grass is greener mindset. Forgetting, there is ALWAYS a cost to not finishing what you started, not fully investing in what you have and been given...Which is good, maybe even already great but just needs some time, attention, understanding...Investing.  

True Story

Once, I was in Vegas and watched this lady win on a slot machine. Excited, she took her winnings and left. I told the person I was with, that machine is going to hit big. Why you say that, that lady just won on it? Yeah, but that was small compared to what it is about to do. That was a warm up. Mind you, I had never been to Vegas or played a slot machine but I knew. So, I sat down. As we waited for our taxi to take us to the airport, I played...1 quarter. 2 quarters, 3 quarters...I played for about 15-30 minutes... and ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT HAPPEN...I hit...I won. It released the full Monty. She walked away with hundreds and I won and walked away with thousands. The maximum amount the machined allowed a person to win. Like her, many of us get what we want...I mean really who comes to Vegas for just the buffets...Since I took the time to go to Vegas, it would be nice to win something. Like her, you think that is all to it, and do not want to take or put any more time into what you have been given and leave too soon. Taking your little when there is so much more to be experienced and gained! Thus, leaving what was suppose to be the full monty blessing for you for someone else. The next person reaps (often w/ less) the FULL benefits. Great for them not so much for you. You want to go from good to great...Sit down. Invest (time, talk, treasure & talent) in you, your partner and the relationship.

Analogy:

If you trade your perfectly good, nice, reliable car in that you still owe on, what do they say, "you are upside down." Even if you put money down. You are in more debt. Wisdom would dictate that you take that money and invest it in your already good thing. Or because you are tired of that house, this job, that city; God has not told you to move from this to that but that is what you want, so you do it. There is (will be) a cost and a loss. This is not about taking a risk, or leap of faith or a chance. This is about not starting what you finished. Not fully invested in the gift, blessing, opportunity...good thing - great thing God gave you. Every day people ask for their ideal, their utopia and God favors them and gives it to them and they decide that wasn't really want they want...So they squander it by mishandling, mistreating or rejecting it. Why? Fear. Insecurity. Feelings of inadequacy. God trusts them but they do not trust and believe in themselves. HE knew they could handle it but fear manifesting in stress, anxiety, worry, self-pity, doubt, etc. causes them to run. It was what they needed. It was what HE wanted it for you. HE hoped in you that where they were weak to do, to handle it, they would come to Him. But instead. too many forget about and overlook the blessing, the favor that is right before them and walk or run away. More than likely you are not the first and will not be the last. This type of behavior is problematic. It is a pattern. Sad but true.

It is easier for some to leave and start-up with someone or something else. Though it is different, it is not always better or best for them. But it is often easier start, start over than to obey God and not do what God has shown or told them was necessary to have what (all) HE has for or had (already) given them. Settling is easier than ceasing!  Perhaps, insecurities or unresolved issues, unhealed hurts or secrets kept them from working through their stuff; common couple stuff to wholly receive what God gave them. Thus, they never (fully) experience the great(er) reward of a true helpmate, soulmate or real holy matrimony. Fear (of failure, success, not measuring or living up) is a major factor in failed anything: jobs, relationships, recovery, etc. The truth is most fears can be overcome if intentionally addressed. Maybe they did not how to or want to do the work to have, keep or maintain what was good (great). They chose to settle for less than or what was easy for them; often a likeness, a simile of you.  Whether influenced by internal or external voices, they choose to go. 

Some find peace, hope, satisfaction in the blessing of their great thing. They choose to remove the mask, leave it off, and walk in freedom, transparency, and authenticity. Others choose to put it back on after a time and go back to living the farce; being the man or woman that others think they are or expect them to be. All the while suffocating in their self-denial. The fear of change, truth, facing self and doing the work to receive and have all that God has for them is greater than the fear of remaining the same, losing it all, or starting over. I know crazy but true. To them, it is easier to give up and walk away and start with a 'new thing' (the next - the 20%) than it is to stay and do the work to have the 80% (the greater) that could become 100%. What a miserable way to live, be, to exist. Jumping from this to that; this relationship to that, this job to that, this place to live to that, this vice to that; never finding stability, a home or resting place or state. Trying to create or form a quilted symbolism or replacement of the last (you); their gift, good or great thing - their blessing. And let's not forget they leave in their wait another broken heart and adding to their own delusion and God's promised discipline.

How do I do it - What do I do: I know it is hard; however, I encourage you to see the bright side of this. God allowed them to go. HE knew something you did not. See it from God's perspective. HE wants ONLY what is HIs absolute best for you. For every child, the parent wants that is best. Yet, when a child has been mistreated, mishandled, hurt (even by another child or sibling), it is the heart and love that parent to make them feel better, to help in their healing process or recovery and sometimes they get a treat a blessing because they were the one afflicted. Well, if our earthly father-parent knows how to give good gifts, what more do we expect from our Heaven Father. And the one who did the damage is disciplined; if not now (go to your room), later. So praise Him. Give Him Glory. HE has for you that which is equally yoked beyond salvation but with the same desire, level or type (Biblical) of commitment, desire, loyalty, spiritual maturity. HE does not want you to mourn, long-for, hurt over, regret, question yourself or what you did or did not do (i.e., chance, beg, etc.) and put your energy (any longer) towards someone who would walk away from you or leave you boldly or cowardly. They were not God's best - ideal for you! Maybe they did nice things for you, was everything you thought you every wanted...But you must be HONEST with yourself. If they were with and for you and that was genuine; would they - could they have so easily or cowardly left you, your family, home, children, the relationship? You MUST be honest with yourself. If they picked up with someone else so quickly, maybe just maybe their leaving and walking away so easily was because they had the other in the wings...The spare or next was already in play or at least they had them in mind - in reserve. Maybe just maybe, they were with you but not for you.

If they ever belonged to you or you to them, you must accept that they no longer belong to you for had they, they would have remained. They would have addressed, talked to you, went to or continued the counseling. Whatever the cause, they changed their mind. They made a choice...And God allowed it. Though it hurts, be grateful that they figured it out now. They did not have the capacity or ability to be with you til the end. Celebrate, be grateful, thankful that they left when they did.

Beloved, I encourage you...Receive God's grace to (help you) and let go. Let go of the hope and desire for their return; they are on to the next, they are married. Let go of the hope for an apology; pride, personal deception and enabling will not allow them to apologize. Only God and the conviction of the Holy Spirit will true godly sorrow come that brings repentance to want and seek reconciliation (with or without relationship and fellowship). It will not come without the conviction, drawing and pushing of the Holy Spirit. Remember: They think they did nothing wrong. Therefore, there is no remorse or concern to care for or about your hurt. Your pain is not their priority. Let it and them go.
Forgive and move on and forward. Cry if you must but cry (out) to the Father. HE still draws near to the brokenhearted. Talk it out and through with someone who can help you. Friends and family are cool but not always objective. And after a time, their attention to your hurt and need to heal may grow short. Seek counsel. Not only to be heard but to see examine and learn, grow and be better and ready for the real. Pray. Let God heal you, your heart and soul. Wholeness, victory is on the way.  Continue on with your life, dreams, goal, responsibilities. Maybe even set some new ones or finish some old ones. In your healing and recovery state; whether you are are not, never let'em see you sweat, tripp'n, hurting, etc.

You may (still) be hurt, confused, angry, disappointed, not understanding what or why, or have unanswered questions...In that - with that...I still say and encourage you to let it all (and them) go...For your sake, you must! For your healing, your peace, your joy, your present and your future...For your real reward - the promised blessing you must trust and believe that what God has for you is greater (divine and purposeful) than anything you let go of. I understand and respect that it is difficult to move on and forward when you don't understand. When things don't make sense; their choice, action(s) came out of nowhere. When thoughts, memories, words are swirling around in your head. The pain of their lies, deeds, and the discounting of your feelings. When they won't talk with or to you to help you get to closure (see my blog and video on closure https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw2dAnDySFHazXK6tyKpll-5Lubwwpf3O). With all that, you still have to let go and move forward.

If you know you: loved them, honored, supported, helped when allowed, cared for & about them, gave it your all, forgave, encouraged, treated fairly, respected, accepted, prayed for them and the relationship, only "demanded" respect and kindness, made clear your desire for them and them only, and communicated your reasonable need, kept your mouth off them (no name calling) and if you said or did anything that (was not intentional but may have) hurt them you apologized and asked for forgiveness...If you did any, all or most of this, you are free to move forward. There is really nothing holding to back from letting go; except you. Your thoughts and feelings. Get out of your feelings and get into your future.

Do do not delay your healing, wholeness, life or soon coming good love waiting on someone who does not understand or care about God's purpose for us to repent and be reconciled. Do not wait on someone who operates in false humility, hides honesty, tramples on truth, uses love like a laundry list, whose pride will not allow their heart and soul to see the hurt they caused. No longer wait on or expect someone who didn't value, respect, honor you enough, wasn't man or woman enough to fight for you, your relationship, be honest with you and come to you and tell you where they were or why. Do not get stuck in regret, hurt, disappointment, memories; paralyzed in the past of when it was good and what they said, promised or did that was good. It is not good now, so go forward! Do not put your hope in a world that was built from the brokenness of someone else's imagination. Let GO!
Each Step - Choice You Make and Take to be Whole gets you closer and takes you HIGHER

Your restoration, your greater is contingent upon you choosing to forgive. Though it is difficult, do not concern yourself with what they tell or told others; their family, friends, the next...Yes, they may have put the blame all on you...Presenting themselves as the victim...You the culprit. Know that God knows and sees (saw) all. HE is your vindicator! The truth, their patterns of putting one down and picking another up, starting strong and it fizzling out, and the behavior of putting everything on the other person or taking very little (if any) responsibility will be revealed. Truth will always overcome and expose lies, blame, deflecting and excuses. Eliminate people telling you things about them. Remain consistent in your faith, what you know is right and good in character, relationship interaction and service. Stay true to you. Stay focused. Choose recovery. Declare your healing, future, victory. and good thing - great thing that is to come. Take the time soul search, to self-examine but do not beat yourself up: What is common, What part (small or big) did I play in this, What have (do) I (need to) learned from this - about me, the opposite sex, patterns in them, in me, etc. Write it down, pray over it, renounce it and speak from renewed mind; a new truth about you and your future. Stay away from tongue or social media assassination. If their leaving was unjust, God will settle the score. HE did say vengeance was His. Keep your hands clean and heart pure.

Then...Now you can let it and them go. Whatever God instructs you to do in the process of your healing, deliverance, breakthrough, breakout, breakout, release, i.e. forgive (yourself and them), be still, do or say something or nothing, guard your heart, seek wise godly counsel, disconnect or remove yourself from them and all that is attached to them; DO IT! It is about both (all) of you but is solely for you. The wine HE is about to pour and serve you will be His best. HE has saved the best...for last. Your next (job, healthy godly faithful loving relationship, lasting marriage, house, business, contract, etc.) is on the way. That one will be the right - the best one! John 2:5  Certainly where children are involved, do not interfere with that and keep lines of communication open to and for them. If God instructs and releases you; apologize and ask for forgiveness. If they accept, receive, and respond, AMEN. If not, AMEN! When you are "able" (meaning, you have set your heart to forgive and are walking in that) speak well of and wish them well. I know it may not seem like it now, but through the process of forgiveness, you will be able to do this. Know that God never wanted you hurt, disappointed, or challenged with feelings of rejected.

It may sound 'soap operaish', but God still has arranged marriages.  HE still (divinely orchestrates matches (from) in heaven. Trust God. Rest in the hope of God. HE has a plan for you and it is great. HE knows what's best. Though their leaving may have blindsided you, it did not catch God off guard. If you are honest, HE probably gave you some indication but you and I ignored it. Let 1 John 2 strength you, their leaving shows you, they were not meant to be with you...at least not on the next phase of your life's journey. 

The lyrics from Frozen says it all:
Let it go
Let it go
Can’t hold you back anymore
Let it go
Let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
And here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let it go
Let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway
Standing frozen in the life I’ve chosen
You won't find me, the past is so behind me
Buried in the snow

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/demi-lovato-let-it-go-lyrics.html

Let Go!  Breathe. Relax. Do something fun. Take a trip. Do a "stay-va". You deserve it and soooo much more and better.  Focus on the good in your life and those who are meant to be with you. Find a plot and bury your past; good or bad: every memory, every word, every promise, every hope, every disappointment. Close the door. Pronounce the committal - "Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust - They walked away from me - Their Good Thing now letting go is must - I do so with no regret, no remorse or fuss!" You are now free to move about the cabin of the next phase or stage of your life. Be and remain encouraged. The truth is you lost or loose nothing that God deemed was necessary for your journey. For if they had belonged to you and was a necessary part of your overall purpose and destiny they would have been truly committed to you and would have remained with you but their leaving showed you that they did not belong to you. Trust God. Greater is coming!